


First Love

by Mystic2102



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Chan favors jeongin, Confession note, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Love, Parent Bang Chan, Protective Bang Chan, Self-Hatred, The other members don't even speak, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric, break up (on Minsung side), but it's a small injury, but not really, changlix and Hyunsung get mentioned at the end, just on his hand and not detailed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 06:18:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16655821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystic2102/pseuds/Mystic2102
Summary: Jeongin knew this was all his fault, he should have never fallen in love with Minho. But it's okay, if Minho was happy, he'd pretend to be to. Unrequited love was never easy, especially when you're around that person everyday.But maybe it isn't as unrequited as he thinks.





	First Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [straykidsrdorks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/straykidsrdorks/gifts).



> Dedicated to Silvernight134, as she/he requested this fic!! Hope you like it! <3 also check the fics she/he makes, they're adorable!
> 
> This was another request! I'll write the Jeongin/Felix one as soon as I can, but here's these adorable ones. As promised its angst on Jeongin's part. I really hope you like it, again, thank you for requesting!!

Jeongin watched as Minho tried to kiss Jisung. Of course Jisung was making a disgusted face and trying to pull away, the two laughing right after. He looked away in sadness, tightly clenching his fists and jaw. He blamed this all on himself, had he tried getting closer to Minho, this wouldn't have happened. Chan looked over at him, worry etched on his features. Jeongin was like his baby, he admitted that he may play favorites a little bit. But Jeongin was every so sweet, one of the strongest out there.

He always kept a strong image, always looked for a reason to smile even if nothing was going right. He admitted before that he loved Minho in a romantic way, and begged for Chan to not tell him. At first it seemed easy, not telling Minho that Jeongin had feelings. Then Jisung came into the equation, adding in more steps in order to get the answer. Minho and Jisung were as close as can be, and even the fans could agree on that. They were like Changbin and Felix, a perfect duo and a perfect couple.

He wanted to tell Minho more than ever now. Jeongin had been weighed down by the feeling of one-sided love, and it was affecting him too much. Everyday Jeongin would practice harder and harder, trying his best to be up to Minho's standards. He assumed Jisung was his standards, and in his heart he knew he would never be as good as Jisung. He would always be the 'baby' of the group, always be the world's most adored maknae, loved by all.

And while he admitted that it was nice to receive all of that, he was not loved by all. He was not loved by Minho. Minho would play around with him, but it was not like how it used to be. When Minho pair up members to kiss, and he would cling to him in hugs, there was always something about him that made Jeongin fall in love over and over again. When he started clinging to Jisung again, he regretted not imitating more contact. 

Then one night, where he was having one of the worst days ever, he had seen Minho and Jisung kiss. It was just a peck, but Jeongin had never been more heartbroken. He was too late, and it was his fault. He wasn't as sweet as Jisung, he wasn't as good at comforting others as the rest. When Jisung held his hand during the survival show, or the sexy dance they did together, Jeongin had to painfully watch. Perhaps it wasn't that bad, because Minho seemed happy. If it meant everyone else was happy around him, he did not mind not being happy himself.

After all, he was everyone's sunshine, right? He was the one who always had to lift the spirits of the members up, always the one to energize them and encourage them. He had encouraged Felix to confess to Changbin at first, and here they were, the strongest couple in the group. He had expectations to uphold, he had a position in the group and he could not let his feelings get in the way. That night when he cried because of Minho and Jisung being so in love in front of him, he had not slept at all.

Every night during the quiet, dark room, his feelings would catch up to him. He never lets that happen anymore, and he'll practice until early morning, only sleeping when he knew he could fall asleep right away. "This comeback has been so amazing so far," Chan tried distracting Jeongin, swinging an arm around his and giving a reassuring squeeze to his shoulder. Jeongin out on his dazzling smile again, but Chan furrowed his brows. He knew Jeongin like the back of his hand, truly a parent in the group's eyes. And because of this, he also knew that Jeongin was faking his smile.

"Yeah, we all worked really hard." Jeongin admitted, his smile faltering. He was tired, so very tired. Of what, he didn't know. Could it be because of only a few hours of sleep? Was it because of faking a smile everyday? Or could it be just practicing every night non-stop just to distract himself from his own thoughts? Yes, that was right. He was tired of himself. Because he would never be good enough for Minho, never be as good as Jisung. His voice was suffocating, while Jisung could rap and sing. He was known as the practice bug, while Jisung didn't have to try as hard as him to keep him.

He was selfish and unfair. Jisung worked just as hard as him, maybe even harder. He sang the high notes when no one else could. 'Maybe he could sing my notes, I'm not needed in this group.' Those were his constant thoughts, eating at him and pushing him to work harder. He knew Jisung could sing his notes, he was the most adored anyway. Once Jeongin got his braces off, all spotlight would be off of him. Maybe his health wasn't that important, just his image instead. 

Jeongin ended up clenching his fists so tight, that blood dripped down onto the floor. His fingers were sore and he was shaking. "Jeongin!" His head snapped up, tilting his head in confusion. "You're bleeding!" Jisung exclaimed, rushing over to him. Please don't be that nice, let me bleed. Jeongin begged in his mind. It was no wonder Minho loved him, Jisung was the definition of perfect. "Don't worry, I'll get it patched up. I must've cut it on something and just re-opened the cut." Jeongin smiled, quickly turning around and going out the door.

He shut the door and slumped against it, trying to calm his pained heart. He was stupid for falling in love, stupid for being like this towards Jisung. He hit his head with the less bloodied hand, trying to smack some sense into himself and pull himself together. He would not cry from this, such a stupid thing like heartbreak. Everyone has had a one-sided love, he was just being dramatic. He had to be stronger to be a k-pop star, he couldn't be so weak as to want to cry over some boy.

He did a double take. This wasn't just some boy. This was Minho, the second visual of the group. He was his first love, a perfect man with perfect duality. He was an amazing dancer, singer, rapper, and choreographer. He was one of the sweetest, most beautiful hearted man. And he would never be his. Was one-sided love supposed to be this painful? Was he supposed to feel like his heart was getting cut with each thought of the boy? Like his stomach was hurting and he wanted to throw up?

He needed to stop being so sensitive. It was no wonder Minho wouldn't ever love him. He breathing shifted and it was then he realized that he still hadn't fixed his hand, instead causing more blood to come out of me when he clenched his fists again. So he rushed back to the dorm and opened the medicine drawer, grabbing bandaids, Neosporin, and alcohol pads. He braced himself and gently cleaned his wound with the alcohol pads, hissing in pain at the burn that followed.

When it was done he carefully washed his hands and put the bandaids and Neosporin on, walking out and contemplating if he should go back. He decided to, as to not worry the members about their precious baby who deserves only love and happiness. Sometimes he didn't like being babied, but others probably saw it as a dream. Again, he was being selfish and spoiled, it was nothing new.

When he walked back in, the members ran over to him. "Innie, are you okay?" Minho asked, causing Jeongin's hearts to do flips and his breath to constrict. "I'm fine, guys." Jeongin reassured, offering a small smile to them. "Lets head back, it's pretty late anyway. And no, Jeongin, you cannot continue practicing today. Go take a rest for once." Chan ordered him, narrowing his eyes as if daring him to talk back. Jeongin just sighed and nodded, following after them.

When they got back, Jeongin pulled out a journal he had with Polaroids and quotes of the members. At the very end of the journal though, held his little notes and thoughts he wished he could say but would never have the courage to. With his cute pen a fan has given each member, he wrote down different notes.

"To my first love, Lee Minho,  
My heart shattered as I realized only I felt it towards you. If only you could hold me like you hold him, smiling at me with your cute boyish charm, it would heal the feelings I have towards myself. But it's not your fault, it's mine, and it always will be mine. I wished you would return the feelings I had for you, but I'd never ruin your happiness, not for my own. If I were to ever say this to you, perhaps your smile wouldn't be as bright as it would be if he said it.

Maybe I should move on, stop staring at you from afar and let these feelings change me. But I can't get away from you, I can't stop hoping that maybe you also love me. I try to hold my tears in, but sometimes a distraction isn't enough to stop the aching in my heart. I'll be all right though, because if you're happy, then I'll pretend to be too.

I love you more than anything, please always be happy, Minho.  
from the boy you'd never love, Yang Jeongin."

Jeongin hadn't realized his hand shaking and heart shattering with each letter he wrote. He swallowed the lump in his throat and laid down, forgetting to put the book away. He tightly shut his stinging eyes, clutching onto the pillow as if it would save him. He fell asleep that night, welcoming the numbing darkness. Minho came into the room a few hours after, just breaking up with Jisung. He agreed that they both drifted apart, and they promised it wouldn't affect their friendship. He kicked a random book that fell under his bed and plopped onto his bed, checking if Jeongin was asleep. He sighed and laid down, closing his tired eyes and falling asleep. 

Morning came and Jeongin woke up from a nightmare. He was sweating and breathing heavy, trying to calm his breathing so he wounding wake up anyone. He had nightmares both during sleep and when awake, a cruel reality he was forced to face. He quietly climbed down the bed and rushed to the bathroom, taking a quick shower before changing to go to the practice room. His mind kept thinking about the nightmare he had about Minho.

The rejection he was scared to ever experience had haunted him in his sleep. He silently cried while practicing, falling to his knees in exhaustion and hurt. He was tired of everything, of these feelings. They said first loves never fully went away. If that was the case, he'd die alone from the pain his heart was enduring. He leaned against the mirror of the practice room, cursing himself in his mind. He pulled his knees up to his chest, hiding his face and putting his arms around his legs.

The other members woke up and were bustling about. Minho hit hit foot against something and hissed in pain, picking up the book he saw last night. He opened it and read the message inside, his eyes widening. He threw the door open and asked each member if they knew where Jeongin was. When he got to Chan, Chan worriedly asked why. Minho mentioned he tell him later, so Chan trusted him and told him to try the practice room. He watched as Minho ran out the door and to the practice room.

He threw the door open to see Jeongin looking up with puffy, red eyes. He was shocked to see Minho, so he offered a small smile in hopes he would ignore the tear-stained cheeks he was sporting. Minho ran up to him and hugged him, clutching onto his black tee. "Hyung?" Jeongin hesitantly asked, his heart beating fast as he awkwardly hugged him back. "I saw your message," Minho whispered, holding tighter and Jeongin panicked and tried to get up.

"I'm sorry, really. You can reject me it's fine, I'll be okay with it!" Jeongin panicked, laughing to hide his pain. "I love you too," Minho mumbled, making Jeongin freeze up. "But Jisung hyung and you are-" Minho silenced him with a kiss, holding his jaw with one hand. Jeongin may not have been experienced, but he tried his best to keep up. "We broke up yesterday, all that matters now is you." Jeongin hoped that if this was a dream, he'd never wake up to his harsh reality of one-sided love.

The members rushed in after that, smiling brightly as they had figured out what was going on. They excitedly cheered, hugging the new couple and congratulating the two. "Don't break his heart, Minho. Please take care of him." Chan whispered to him when he hugged Minho, warningly tightening the hug. Minho nodded with a smile, promising he wouldn't hurt him anymore. Chan nodded with a smile, and when he moved to Jeongin, he buried his face into his neck.

"I'm glad you're finally happy. Please don't fake your smiles and tears anymore." Jeongin sadly smiled at him, hugging him tighter as well. Chan was like his older brother and father figure, he was always there for him. 

Jeongin may still hate himself and think he isn't as good as Jisung from time to time. He may still ask Minho if he's sure he doesn't love Jisung still, listing why he was so much better. When that happened, Minho would tightly hug him and confess everything he loved about Jeongin, gently kissing him right after. The would argue sometimes when Jeongin was feeling particularly stubborn about loving himself, but that would easily be resolved within less than a day.

Jisung had found new love with Hyunjin, and there was no awkwardness between the four whatsoever. Everyone was as close as could be and their comeback had been an amazing success. They didn't know what the future would bring, but they lived in the moment. 

And while life wasn't all rainbows and sunshine, they had each other and that's all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any requests (especially for Jeongin x *inster name), comment down below! Please also comment what genre and such you would like, an example would be angst with a happy ending, pure fluff and love, just angst, and such. Or if you would like a scene, examples would be on a holiday like Christmas, in a store, or supernatural like werewolves and things.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this fic!! And until next time, I'll see you all later. Thanks for reading, lovelies! <3


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